Samantha Taylor 

celtic mandalas

I came across this idea on the net for some type of artwork ideas. I came across this idea for a mandala. It is a really interesting idea. In this celtic mandala that i found online, i like the intricate precise details of the celtic knotwork. If you look up google then mandalas in images you will see a wide variety of different types of them. they are in all cultures

so obvious

so what do you do if you are feeling broken down lie an old car on the side of the highway, do you flag down someone for help? or do you stay quiet, fearful in your car til a pleasant face comes forth? So what do you do? If you know you can't trust some people, and others you don't want to bother because they have enough to deal with, how do you manage your problems on your own.

pure stupidity

How does one feel this pure fickle stupidity. Actually thinking, believing dreaming. Best thing to do is not to ever wish for anything go through your life best way possible and be alone. silence isn't so bad. Pure quietness. , no nothing just pure still quietness. Might be good, then again, sanity might crack.

huge weight off of my shoulder

I cried some and a little more, i wrote a little more and then i took a nap slept for a little bit and put a final fixative on two charcoil drawings that I did this morning. One is of the outside of my window with my bamboos in it, and the mimosas behind it, and mulberry trees and pine behind it and my curtain tied in a knot. Then i did a charcoil drawing of this woman holding an american flag with an eagle on the other side of her shoulder with roses at her hands. Sounds ok don't it. But i spent awhile online and then i made plans for certain things. You have to allow yourself to cry because if you don't it will take away your spirit.

Just had to write sorry

I just had to write i am sorry, I hope i am not worrying anyone. I am not about to give up. I have planned some things that require no money on anyones part only my effort that's concerned. I don't go around using people or situations. I have just got to overcome this stupid depression that's held me back for so long. I am tired of living in sadness and want to be completely happy. I can't be happy like i am right now. I feel confined and stuck.
Why? Why do we have to go through so many differernt struggles? What's the purpose. Sometimes selfish and deluded thinking gets you into the situation to where what's false and real becomes totally an illusion and i just need to i don't know. i am totally fighting it. Right now, I just guess i need to cry a little more a little louder maybe even scream a little bit more.
Information, the more you know, the more you can conquer what's eating away at you and what has been bothering you. You can't fight alone if you are stuck in the dark without any type of defense and you can't let anyone lend you a hand and you can't let anyone try to help you. Forcing yourself to do things maybe the best way to get over it, yet it can set u back like it did before.

again oh my God

I was getting better and I felt like i had a blow to the head last night. I actually wanted better, I actuatlly felt like things were going to change, but now, I don't know. The world is so fickle, fickle to the point where you don't know those that you thought you have known and you thought you cared about and
these people, these people in your life are worse than you are. When someone tells you something is it really meant? :( I enjoyed getting out, thought i had love in my life, and it all goes into dust

lets put it this way

I have been so retarded
I have been completely stupid
I am avoiding reality
I need to talk with someone
I need proffessional counseling
I am insane
I need to jump off a bridge somewhere alone
I need a gun to my head
and all of the above. well...humiliating.

Clear minded

Woke up this morning clear minded, but i don't know how it will last when total bombination of thought clusters go rolling in breaking any peaceful thoughts that may be in the mind. :) but anyway maybe with the help of daily activities i can beat the thoughts that seem to fade and peace will continue to flow. :) thats all for now.

get up and go

Sometimes you do things that are a waste of time, yet sometimes those waste of times was just exactly what you needed because when your brain is stuck and cant get out, you have to move into reverse and go someway. :) Anyway, I got my mom to take me to tallassee, but my trip was wasted, but at least my aunt got her stamps :D anyway, it was a breath of fresh air just to be able to reclaim some well needed thinking. :) Now i am working on something lol and hopefully, hopefully it will work out and go somewhere. LOL :) take care and you guys have a wonderful afternoon.

Situations

Situations sometimes aren't exactly what they seem to be, sometimes you are caught so totally up your own little soapbox that you lose sight of what it is you need or think you need. :) You can't let anyone decide for you as of which route to go, you have to take your own way, your own way. Figure it out on your own after a whole fiasco perhaps, fiascos turn to some sort of retarded blessing. :)