Samantha Taylor 

besides that

i realize a few things, eventhough i have my funks i also am a this lovely person on the inside. i am too quiet. It scares the hell out of me, and the fact people do too. Maybe yes i don't need to pay so much attention to me and to what i am doing and what i produce, but it would be helpful to be easier going instead of being sad and afraid all the time.

faulty wiring fixed

we can can rewire our toaster any time, but you can't go to someone who knows nothing about toasters and ask them to rewire it for an example. btw if you go to church bravo you are a wonderful, only if you go for the RIGHT REASONS. There are good folk at home who are just like down home church folk only without the nerves/eccentric. I used to not be an exact what you say nervous wreck, but then i learned that witholding so much garbage and baggage in your lifetime makes u sick at heart, once you become free of that, you are still left jittery but able to fix yourself best way you can hopefully.

Matthew 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

anger again

angry. yes but you can't tell God fix this and not expect to do something about it yourself. You have to work on your anger, and fix your mistakes, and you can't wear a mask, pretend to be something you not, oh i forgot, some people can. Some people are like chameleons. they can change colors with a piece of nature at a blink of the eye where, poor sad sack people can only be themselves, and in ANY social situation be sad sack under cover. Some people say...well pretend it will work. You only still act frightened, retarded, falling over your feet the same way. I tried to help myself, work out my problems and only mess up in the process because i tried. no credit for trying. I know not to even set foot out again until i am ready to do it without stumbling. Stumbling sometimes a joke to some people something for a good laugh, but someone who makes an honest effort its not right.

faulty wiring continued and explained

faulty wiring starts at an early stage when it's fresh and newly assembled. when it's hot off the assembly line and has a company warranty on it, shouldn't the one that assembled the product with the lose wire be held accountable for the machine not working properly, for an example...susy has a toaster, she doesn't like the toaster because it's lime green so she throws it, causes a malfunction, takes it back to walmart and demands a refund. The box is fine, but inside the toaster is not examined properly, susy's bad temper caused the faulty wiring in the toaster. That toaster is now bought by a kind gentleman who wanted to save a few extra dollars, so he goes back, gets his tool box and fixes the faulty wire that susie broke.
For instance, some people never say i am sorry for what i have done done to you, and some people will never say i am sorry. For anything they have done. They just keep going on and on over and over like a broken record doing t he exact same things they have done and trying to mask it like putting fingernail polish on a pair of running panty hose. Pantyhose doesn't last forever and fingernail polish may cover the end run, but it doesn't straighten anything out. God is not a genie in a bottle, God is father of Jesus Christ, Heaven and Earth. He's supreme ruler over all nations and of you and me. Until we fix the mess we have made, we cannot claim to be who we are underneath the running hose.

shall i? or shall i not?

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not knowing

what do you do when you dont know? When things happen to you and you start to recollect on what happened. You don't want to get mad, you don't want to cause anymore scenes and aggrevation to anyone, and you are just scared, and know what you need, but it's unattainable. Knoweledge is power, but when you don't know what you are looking for, you don't know how to help the situation

back to planet earth

I am back to planet earth, yeah the real world. :( i did try to overcome my problems, thought well getting a job was a good move on my part. :( Unfortunately, i feel like it was a bad idea as well, i should have never pushed myself into something like that. :( I am socially retarded and shouldn't have tried to even go there. :( social suicide. Maybe i should just i don't know what do you think.

fighting currents

I need to just go with the flow and quit fighting currents. Currents are dangerous when fight against them, if you just float along the waters, it will be okay, but if you force yourself in tides, you find yourself burried in mud.

trimming

I guess to compromise with everyone, i can get my hair trimmed and then highlighted, i don't understand though, hair always grows back, it's not permanent and dear God we aren't either. we are only here for a little while, and then poof we are gone. so why not be happy for the duration, i will trim my hair and get some highlights, it's better peaceful than regretful.

hair cuts :)

I want a hair cut :) not all of it, just a few feet of it, mom says don't cut your hair it's pretty father totally demands it not to be cut. To cut or not to cut that is the question. Anyway, im how old? 29 and my hair is at least two to three feet long, and when i went to fill out applications the other day, I saw all these neat looking women, they didn't look shaggy, they looked decent and contemporary. Why cant i look like that? :) Instead of being sad sack samantha carrying cousin it. :) Anyway, i want highlights and shoulder length hair, not too much to ask. My aunt said, hey how old are u? I said i am 29, she said don't you think you are old enough to have what you want? :) I said yeah but i don't want to make anyone mad or dissapoint anyone. She said it's not siberia or russia you know u are living in the usa. if you want your hair cut, then you cut it just dont tell him. My mom had her hair cut shoulder length and she said if you get your hair cut, your fathers going to be angry with me. :)