You are beautiful 

You are beautiful

I hear the lyrics to this song, saw a clip of the video on the news. I would love to hear this song on the radio. I never heard it the whole way through. I realize with technology, knowing and wanting to act on my thoughts I am stuck with blurred vision, nasty tastes in my mouth; risperdone and cogentin together. I can't fathom that medicine will blur your eyesight. I will come to a conclusion soon I hope. When one has no resources except for a computer. I have overcome so much with 7 months of my life has been great with some stinking memories that I haven't wanted. I have made people laugh, I have made people cry, I need more though. I know that rome wasn't built in a day...but what if it could be? I sit day after day, Full of emotions one day, full of something of the third kind another. There is so much being put into it and so much persuading on the other hand? Okay I see cojo which I really love and I hope one day pretty soon he can give some makeover tips. His hair is great, and has a great sense of style. The lights seem to be so dim and sitting here with you know, I can't wait to get off of risperdone and cogentin. I am trying to be positive. No I am being positive. I want so heavily for a miracle, Can yu make a miracle for me? I just want happiness, and I feel such an uneasiness about some of my counterparts, but then again, they are all in on it. The whole community in this tri-county, I imagine a woman that thought these things would never be possible with certain things. I never knew that so many people cared. Now I do, and I just have been waiting for a miracle just to be loud on a every sight blog, but if I want to talk about it. It's my God given authority.
I want to know when it's going to end. Not my life, no no no....there are places to go and people to see. I am looking forward to new eyes of course they are going to be glasses on my face. Glasses distingish a personality. Yes when things are set forth in your behalf I am stronger. I am not going to use the media we get so caught up with, we aren't going to complain, yell at, and let things bother us.
Since the nervousness that makes me uneasy to a certain.....oh i will just keep praying for healing while doing the part that God gave me. My home is dim I would love to be in a highly lit place. You know everyone has dreams, mine is a peaceful life, but I can't make it peaceful. Woody Allen or Stern can I come live with you. I just want to be free and protected. That's all I want and a persute of peace, my independance as human being. If i am a posterchild for mental health that would be alright too.
I have an artificial conscience. I hope that they will stay out of the hand. I hope that I aint got some woman out there mimicing my pdd sweetness. Anyway. I got to go. Live terribly I wonder why no one will intervene for me. Probably no use. I don't feel safe with certain people and I don't feel comfortable anymore. Thank you God. I know who the little imposter can help me on those things. I want u to pray for me in heavy prayer. my resources is the media blowing all over the place, a president walks his stride with pdd. I am lonely. I think one certain one ;) which I call no name, but I pray that he can do something easy for me so I can get organized, out of negativity and be healed. Thank you for reading. Which someone would keep his eyes off the papers, and give something solid so one doesn't have to be
perfect, or any or the above. I know certain people are egnimatic. You can't read them and the sensing that I get is something of money and the purpose of humiliation for perosnal gain. I have my family, I hope and I hope that I can get well soon. I feel so rundown and lethargic, with this medicine and the dimming of lights and I am hoping I can make a doctor's appointment tommorrow. I get in the seat for gaining my weight back and from someone, said I had a brain tumor, I hope they are only joking and not truthful. Can I ask this one respect. In church can I have a decent mind and not filled with garbage.. Jokes haha funny can go for some other day, but right now, I am wishing for a excellent job, I want to be free of all negaitive words .
I made a slight cute remarik to my dad, he says don't act stupid, and then on the gun, my mother says these stupid things like "I feel like killing myself just for making a matter of opinion and someone's clock went off. It's a life line of these comments that can be helpful to a reconstructive mind. Gee, I
said to myself, why have I never had any esteem. Let a child express themselves for what, let them draw pictures express their feelings, and I want you to have a better relationship with your child for as long as you can. No mother should speak this way to their child. Spend time with them even when they are in your gut. Don't bring the speach that a person doesn't want to listen to and walk away if someone who puts you down, others definitely have a problem with them not you. If you are pdd treat it as a gift and not a disability. God bless you and be with you.

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