There is a slight squeak of Anxiety to the situation 

There is a slight squeak of Anxiety to the situation

I think possibly while the earth is in utter chaos, there seems to be one bright little tidbit to come out of the closet. Ideas? Ideas Ideas are like a little something to kindle a fire. One little spark could add a flame to get a contagious wildfire. Anyway, I am thinking about positive aspects of being a part of it, hopefully that little flame I had in the minute will spin out of control leaving a sweet sense of aroma afterwards,
For the past several months I have been fighting and sometimes fighting, and fighting...You seem to see turds in the sitautions, and the the biggest stinkiness that I have ever seen in my life. I sit day after day, night after night reliving some thoughts of the past and present. They are in full color like my dreams. There are words and incideous thoughts that come to mind that's not mine exactly I realize that
Since I have tried harder to become the best person to be. It's terrible what people are doing with money behind one's back. Is there enough money for me to prey and contagiously take into many charities. I just want a part of this and a better place to live. that's all. I am on my knees, I am in the journal. I have had so many thoughts and with this, I wonder, is someone trying to make me out to be incompetent? I have my own thoughts, I am smart for a person of my typing....anyway I am just a little dd not enough to set a wild fire.
I need a job i think, there's a plastic factory in eclectic, there's ingrams, dollar general, and etc. I have seen seven months of hell on my part, then I see these situations terrible, never in my life, I only took this way for mental, psychological warfare wanting to be more like the footsteps of christ, i realize everyone has their thoughts. Then the stupid thoughts scare me. Some of them never take place, they just something within the situation.
I want a part of life and part of the good life. I want to beable to do things that can be great. I guess you can't change the world. You just need to work to the possible. College,, I want to take away the side effects of the medicine is on. I feel slowed down, my eyesight is going, I have personal limitations on the stiuation such as balance. I am tired of siitting in my home and tortured merciously by my mom and then watching my uncle get picked at by my mom and merciously....I beg her to leave him alone, she's constantly at him. My mom has a mild form of retardation. I wish someone could intervene with this situation, I can't seem to understand. She threw a glass of water on him today. My uncle is moderate. Imagine how it feels for my eyesight going, my loftheaded feeling so dizzy and waking up with nasty stuff in my eyes and having to use one antidepressant to clean up the others side effects. Risperdone for depression anxiety and cogentin to hit the side effects for that.
I only took it for my brother, my brother I worship the ground he walks on and alot of things that's
he is unaware of should be brought into life. I feel like I am about to die because of my eyes, and body. I just wish there is something that I could do about it. My mother took me to seema for several years. She gave me an antidepressant, it seemed to have effects on me such as puking and eating not given a appetite and for ten years, I have so tried to do so many things, nothing worked with sociality, it was just ludacris having trying to treat myself with different psychological issues. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I tried so many things, and I just realized it wasn't's the atmosphere, never tell anyone what you want to do with your life. Share it with a friend. that's a point I would seriously like to make clear before you do anything else. Every thought I came up with was either stupid, you don't have so in so and how in the hell are you going to do that? My sister told me or made a recluse remark
such as you can't solve your problems with a pill. She was absolutely right. My father, he said the same thing.
Over the years I have remembered so much of what people had given to me, whether they were bad remarks or good. Always remember the good things ....bad remarks can be good things. Here's a thank you note for all of you that brought good things into my life

1. Patrick...years of junior high lookouts. He always kept his eye on me regardless if there was a ding batthing i would do.
2. Oh for sweet comments through letters and etc. When in the heck am i going to finally meet you? :)
3. Comments on the news, by al and celebritys.
4.My aunt she is a great inspiration
5. K and G abrams.
6. most important.....God, and I learned something a few days ago, when you are talking to somebody you always talking to christ and those out there with wrong ambitions should turn their thoughts towards christ with their actions, hidden motives, and etc

I need one man's approval..leader of the free world. Bush

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