That Christmas Day 

That Christmas Day

I had been taking wellbutrin xl. I had been fighting for some sort of social change for awhile, everyone around me asked my mother, you know...Where's Samantha, what is she doing now? Is she okay? Through this period 96-05 I have tried to figure myself out...what in the hell is wrong with you? Why in the hell can't you connect with others? Then that paranoia. That's one thing that is wrong with you. Anyway, I hid the fact that I had been talking to that person, and yes I understand that I am messy, and that my mind has not been exactly right during this point in time, but that day, as I was going to my sister's trailer in opelika. I just couldn't grasp for air. I just couldn't seem to get it in, when I got to my sister's house, they had candles on all in the house, it was hard to fight to breathe, I looked across the room at my niece and told her that I couldn't breathe, I wasn't given a second thought. Anyway, throughout that time, we eat, after I get through eating, my niece asked me to go and play nintendo with her, I didn't exactly want to..there was that urgency to want to stay in the room with the adults. I heard Robin, Elizabeth, Patrick talking, I wanted to go in right away and find out what it was...I wasn't sure. All the way back home from my sister's house I had those breathing spells. I ask myself why these things are happening. I know i have had my share of problems, and I have had my share of difficulites, but things can be changed from my pov. Alot of the things that I have gone through can be stretched or put from another one's perspective, but God I hope through this whole situation something good can come out of it.
I am a smart woman, but I am a messy one, I have trouble connecting and throughout this whole ordeal I have tried to get out of it by myself, I just cannot. I think of all sides envolved, but some things just don't add up exactly right, perhaps the calculator has been out in the sun too long not in my snowflake but in many more.